27 March 2016 (14:00 UTC-07 Tango 01) 08 Farvardin 1395/17 Jumada t-Tania 1437/19 Xin Mao 4714

“Realizing our ambition will take sustained investment in cycling and walking infrastructure. Delivering this long term plan will require patience, persistence and a change in attitudes, amongst government, local bodies, businesses, communities and individuals.”-Robert Goodwill, Minister of Transport

The British empire’s United Kingdom Department for Transport revealed plans to force the majority of ‘subjects’ to walk or cycle everywhere they go, by 2040.

An unnamed Transport employee said the plan to force people to walk or bicycle against their will “…will be met through providing safe and attractive infrastructure to encourage journeys on bike and foot. By 2040, walking and cycling should be a normal part of everyday life, and the natural choice for shorter journeys such as going to school, college or work, traveling to the station, and for simple enjoyment. We want everyone in the country to have access to safe, attractive routes for cycling and walking.”

Taxpayers and donors are expected to fork over the equivalent of at least $350-million USD to pay for brainwashing elementary school children, to convert roads to bicycle only, or add bike lanes to roads that have none.

The policy advisor to British Cycling (and former Olympic champion) Chris Boardman called the Draft cycling and walking investment strategy an “embarrassment”.   But not because he doesn’t think it won’t work, but because he thinks the government should rape the citizens for even more money: “The truth is that without sustained funding, this strategy won’t be worth the paper it’s written on.”